Sunday, January 27, 2008

What if, man?

Brandon Gentry
N485 Assignment 2
“What if…”
1. What if... my feet were any bigger?
2. What if... this class didn’t exist?
3. What if... the music stopped?
4. What if... Slash and Axl reconciled their differences?
5. What if... my head was sewn to the carpet?
6. What if... I had a Flux Capacitor?
7. What if... the fries at Burger King tasted good again?
8. What if... White Castle went out of business?
9. What if... instead of going to class, class came to me?
10. What if... I was 5’6” instead of 6’5”?
11. What if... I could go back and warn American Indians?
12. What if... I could go back and stop slave trade in America?
13. What if... space isn’t the final frontier?
14. What if... we were all required to carry guns?
15. What if... I did not graduate?
16. What if... I would have been born in 1971 instead of 1981?
17. What if... John Lennon was still alive?
18. What if... teeth were black?
19. What if... John Cage actually played a note in that God awful “song”?
20. What if... I actually got beat at NES Super Spike V’ball?
21. What if... Mrs. Pac Man became full?
22. What if... MTV still played music videos?
23. What if... mice really lived in little half-circle holes in walls where they housed little living rooms, miniature television sets, and kitchens?
24. What if... Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were really married and actually had a child?
25. What if... Myspace would have hosted videos from the get-go?
26. What if... unborn children could talk?
27. What if... we got to name ourselves?
28. What if... America wasn’t so fucking censor-happy?
29. What if... Cloverfield was real?
30. What if... my hair isn’t naturally red?
31. What if... a woodchuck could chuck wood?
32. What if... I had a pet monkey?
33. What if... what if my pet monkey typed Hamlet?
34. What if... I said everything I thought?
35. What if... I said, “Srew computers,” and became a hair stylist?
36. What if... God was one of us?
37. What if... is a really shitty song. I am so glad that Creed doesn’t exist anymore. Oh yeah, I still need to keep this a “What if” question; What if we still had to be subjected to those no talent ass clowns?
38. What if... my bullshit ran dry?
39. What if... your dad was the disembodied voice of Burt Reynolds and you could stop time by touching your fingers together?
40. What if... Lancelot Link Secret Chimp was still on the air?
41. What if... the sun refused to shine?
42. What if... I could get a sunscreen vacination?
43. What if... there was a movie remake of The Dick Van Dyke Show?
44. What if... instead of finishing class, we took an N180-style Photo Sufari to Jimmy Johns?
45. What if... all fwers were cheeps and all fwers were fweeps would any fweeps be cheeps?
46. What if... I had a record deal?
47. What if... I had a big bowl of Fruit Loops right now?
48. What if... you woke up and Santa Claus was stealing your shit?
49. What if... the voices never stop?
50. What if... my life becomes a sitcom?

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Hey man, fork this!

The video speaks for itself. Enjoy!